I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I think my moral compass just broke
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
