I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
