can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Dick very happy bro
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
