Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
