Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?