The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."