i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do