On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions