you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
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fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
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For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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