so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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