I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
