Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
