What did we do last night that was yellow?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
