Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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