On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
