just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
