he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Even my vagina gasped.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
