So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
