This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Houston, we have a squirter
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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