I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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