And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
