Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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