Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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