Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
