so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
