it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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