You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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