If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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