Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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