why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
