And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
