singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
