so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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