We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
