Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
