My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
