nut hugger
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
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It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
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It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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