Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
