Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
