hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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