shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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