Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
