I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
