I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
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hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
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idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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