I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
