Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
