just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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