Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
