I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
4 words: hood of his car
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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