So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
