A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
