Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
