Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?