There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
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It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?