I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
