did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?