next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land