Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
