I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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