he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I think people are normalizing furries
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
