She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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