i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
