One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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